This week I found
out that I have something called under-methylation. Which, as far as I can
understand, means I’m lacking some chemicals that are necessary for my body to
produce adequate levels of serotonin. Serotonin is needed to modulate mood and
emotion, among other things. This explains why, particularly in recent months,
I have been struggling with feelings of anxiety & depression. A side effect
of these feelings has been a lack of creative inspiration or motivation. I love
being creative. But being creative has always been an interesting exercise in
patience and perseverance. My perfectionism has often got in the way of
finishing things. I have ideas overflowing out of my mind and heart, but not
the perseverance or patience to carry them out if they aren’t perfect.
Last week, however,
I seemed to make a breakthrough. It
was a wonderful moment when I had the desire to draw, the patience to accept
mistakes I made & try again, and the enjoyment of actually being pleased
with something I had made. It was nice keeping it simple: just a black Artline
pen and some paper.
Now I am trying to keep the mindset that if I can just
create one thing, one little thing that is finished, complete, perfect or
otherwise, then that is a success. I have achieved something, no matter how
small, and that is enough for me right now.
